Yet here it is.
In my face, looking right at me and I don't know whether to slap it or hide from it. Unfortunately there is no hiding from it.
The last 6 months have been hard, too much went on, in a short space of time sometimes I wonder if I even dealt with it, or just went through it with my head down hoping for it to be over. That kinda sounds like the last few years, actually.
I'm lonely, a small town girl in a big city, literally. I had trouble making friends in a small town, did I really think it would be easier in a big town? Sure there's more people, more people to hide from.
I'm scared of people, scared that they will know everything I am and I will swiftly be rejected. How much do I tell them, when do I tell them? Do I tell them at all?
It takes, in my experience, a long time for an aspie to adjust to a move like yours. I've done it and nearly gone mad. The extreme change in routine works subtle and profound effects on our psyches. Throw in the natural aspie love of solitude combined with the very human and conflicting need for companionship and we can end up a mess after a move to a strange place.
ReplyDeleteI've had 3 extremely close friends in my life. All three died within 5 years of each other and I'm left - by choice and aspie inclination - with some acquaintances. I want closer relationships, but I lack the energy and desire to pursue them. Such is the aspie dilemma.
And so I have no advice, just a similar experience to share. Best wishes. I'm @radioman_ on the twit. Say hey if it is your wont.
Thank you for your comment!
ReplyDeleteI fully understand what you are saying... I probably couldn't have worded it better myself!