Friday, August 27, 2010

Feels like betrayal

a feeling of intense betrayal.

Where did we go wrong? Did we go wrong at all?

I know you don't see it the way we do, that's something you won't see until you have kids of your own. I can hardly blame you for that. You're still only a kid.

I know I wasn't perfect, I was so young when I became a mother figure to you. I tried my best but I know there were times when I should have been more understanding. It took us a while for us to get on the right track. Not that we were on a WRONG track.

I remember when you first told me you loved me. I was taken back. Here was a kid saying he loved me, and I wasn't his mother! I said "I love you" back. It felt awkward, but right.

Your father did everything for you. When things fell apart for you, he was there. always. When things were a bit sticky with your mother, we wiped your tears. We felt angry at the person who had upset you.

So this feels like a betrayal, after all we have tried to make you happy, a few gadgets wins over. All the hurt she has inflicted on you is forgotten. We are forgotten. It really hurts.

Gotta go now, tears.

Michaela xoxox

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Ghosts and things that go bump in the night.

I believe in Ghosts. Or Spirits, or whatever you like to call them.

I believe we do have a soul, I believe that something as powerful and amazing as a soul doesn't just die when our physical body does.

I also believe I have had some experiences when it comes to Ghosts/Spirits.

I used to go to my Grandmothers house in Tauranga (NZ) a few times a year with my sisters, Mum and Dad. She lived all by herself, we called her "gran on her own".

My older sister and I used to share a room at the end of the house. I do believe this room was haunted in some way. Every time I stepped into that room an awful feeling of dread and unease came over me. I never wanted to go to bed, as I was afraid of this bedroom. There was something there.

My mother has told me that on one occasion when we were staying here that I told her that "there was someone at the end of my bed".

Also in this bedroom, EVERY time we visited I had the same dream. A rather ridiculous dream, but one that scared me nonetheless. Some might say that's why I was scared of the room - because that's where I had these awful dreams. It may have been the other way though, BECAUSE this room was haunted I had the bad dreams!

On other instances I have heard my name being called and no one has been there. When my partner and I were looking at places to live, we encountered a house that JUST DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT. Not the decor, or the layout but a feeling that we both had. Needless to say we didn't rent that house!

Call me crazy if you wish, but I do believe.

Have you had any odd experiences?

Friday, August 20, 2010

I'm a Womble

I worry too much.

About EVERYTHING. If there is something to worry about, I will be fretting about it. Even if there isn't something to worry about, I will create something to worry about.

I hate it, but I guess it's just part and parcel of having OCD. Things get so big in my mind and then they RULE my mind. Until it's all I can think about and I make myself sick.

I try not to be a negative person, but it's hard to stay positive when a voice in your head is saying "wash those hands 12 times or else your entire family will die". I know it sounds ridiculous, that's because it IS ridiculous. Even I know that, but the OCD takes hold of me and I end up doing what it says. For peace. That peace usually only lasts a few minutes until the next obsession.

It's very tiring.

That's all.

Michaela xoxoxo

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ga ga ga ga

I haven't blogged in ages. I won't apologise because I don't think anyone reads it anyway! It's more like a dialogue to myself. In case I lose my memory or something.

Anyway, I haven't been up to much. What I have been working on the last month or so is a Lady Gaga inspired poker face mirror mask for a friend/twiend. He's Joey Nation on blogger, check him out, I love his blogs!

So... this is the mask I made.

I basically cut mirror pieces with the help of my stepson and glued them to a mask which I made stronger by papermacheing over.

That's all I have at the moment!

Michaela xoxox