Another Poem...

I awake again and nothing has changed,
Same old scenario, same old game
My dreams, I wish I had stayed lost in them.

So sick of my face each day in the mirror,
glass is dirty, reflection not much better

far too young to have a meltdown
too old to throw a tantrum

So what is there to do but lay here,
with a tear falling from each eye?

Nothing has changed since last time.

Poem inspired by Napier Siege

I wrote this awhile ago... it was when the Napier Siege was happening. This poem was about Policeman Len Snee, who was killed in the siege.

Thought he would be home at 8 tonight, but he never came

Cooked bolognaise for him tonight, it’s 20 years today

He should be home, but he never came

He is with the angels, for someone that could never be saved

I’m crying alone tonight, and trying to be strong

The man I loved vanished tonight, and I can’t figure it out

Trying to tell the kids tonight, thought I would die from the pain

I have to wake up tomorrow, and face it all again

All of a sudden, life isn’t alive

The flowers outside aren’t as blue as the day before

And I’m scared that the last thing he saw

Made him regret everything he had worked for.

Dying for people that will never understand,

Never understand the sacrifice that goes in hand with

The badge and title that used to command respect

The Controversial WellyWood...

I must be one of very few (if not only) Kiwi's that actually like this idea.

Sure it's lame, tacky and a bit unoriginal... but I think that's why I like it.

New Zealand has never been afraid to push boundaries and have a laugh at ourselves in the process. Why are we being such sticks in the mud now?

Also, this would be GOOD for NZ tourism, it represents NZ and Wellington's importance in the film industry, it shows that we are a proud country but not too proud to have a laugh at ourselves. We're proud, yet humble about it.

The way people are going on about this you would think they were going to stick a giant swastika on the hill.

NZers lets not forget that sometimes it's okay to be tacky!

After all, isn't that what made the 80's so amazing?

Agoraphobic Bumblebee

Are you just like me?
Afraid of the outside world and all it can be?

Too afraid to step outside,
I give you a subtle push on the windowside
not subtle enough, because you're back
in the doorway, on my track

Suicidal Bumblebee
There is more than you can see,
I know the drop is a long way down
I'm trying to help you, settle down.

Please don't sting me
I'm just like you.
I'm a different colour
But I'm scared too.

Stricken

You must have been stricken by her if you saw her face
and forgot my name.

You must have been lying when you said I was different,
different because I fell for it.

When you took from me what wasn't yours to take,
did you feel any remorse?

When you could have been the man and protected me,
protected me from you.

I said leave me alone, I said don't contact me again, you didn't but I changed my number just in case.

There was nothing I could have done for you anyway.

Depression is not an attractive name for a blog post.

Yet here it is.

In my face, looking right at me and I don't know whether to slap it or hide from it. Unfortunately there is no hiding from it.

The last 6 months have been hard, too much went on, in a short space of time sometimes I wonder if I even dealt with it, or just went through it with my head down hoping for it to be over. That kinda sounds like the last few years, actually.

I'm lonely, a small town girl in a big city, literally. I had trouble making friends in a small town, did I really think it would be easier in a big town? Sure there's more people, more people to hide from.

I'm scared of people, scared that they will know everything I am and I will swiftly be rejected. How much do I tell them, when do I tell them? Do I tell them at all?

I suck at blogs - sorry!

Apologies to my three readers, Sorry sorry and sorry!

I guess there hasn't been much to write about.

Updates: I DIDN'T get into the finals for Ms Extralicious, sucks because I thought i had a decent shot! Oh well, I must have not been what they were looking for.

I felt like writing today because of something one of the playcentre mums was talking about today. Basically it was this.

Homeless people are the way they are because of the choices they make

In some ways, this may be true. I certainly don't think it's as simple as that though.

Some people are born unlucky. It's very unfair, but very true.

I've been blessed to have a great supportive family and access to education (nothing like uni, but I don't believe uni is at all important) Parents that taught me right from wrong etc.

Not everyone has that. Some kids grow up seeing violence every day, seeing drugs put ahead of their own safety and health, growing up in an environment where clean clothes and food and education AREN'T IMPORTANT.

How are they meant to cope in the big bad world where they have absoloutly no support and all they know is what they have seen? They do what they know. Often falling into crime and drugs, and sometimes homelessness. How do they start afresh when people aren't willing to give them jobs? When they don't have people who will support them in any way?

For people who have been lucky enough to have had the neccesities of life, this may be hard to imagine. But TRY and imagine it.

It's unfair to say that "this is because of the choices they have made", when half the time they haven't even had the benefit of being able to make a choice. Is it a "choice" that they grew up not having all the vital things kids should have?

Not to mention, sometimes life falls to shit. Sometimes it's the only choice people feel they have.

There are a million and one more things I could add to this, but I won't.

Are you happy in your ignorant bliss? Does saying it's a "choice" make you feel better, make you feel like something like that could never happen to you? Does it make you feel better than them?